LET'S ALL GO VOLCANO DIVING

Plumbing from the depths of Saint Paul, MN, raining humiliation, and cementing a  repugnance and non-repentance, Volcano Diving Inc is a quintet of jackasses spreading their malady throughout the crevices of society as they lumber inebriatedly from one idyllic town to another.

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Kindled by Matthew, Eric, and Ian, as a clatter of nonsensical riffs, the group commenced their crusade to infect the ears of the Twin Cities inhabitants. From one podium to another, the trio contaminated onlookers who foolishly stood before them, tainting and taunting their victims with what was next to come.

 

As the campaign sustained, a caroling Brad Grimm meanderingly floated before them, lute in hand, strumming and serenading verses of uncultured fables. Awestruck by such an unforgivable display and overjoyed with triumphant pleasure for this happenstance, Matthew, Eric, and Ian insisted that Brad join their quest. Many a beer later, Brad swore his bellowing voice to the ruination of virgin ears and mounted their expedition.

 

Fortnight after fortnight passed as the four sauntered the nearby taverns, luring prospective cohorts with extravagant tales of brawling matches for grails of honey, shadowy figures surfing the great lava waves of the hidden world, and the glorious misadventures that have left warriors howling and crumbling with burning urination. Unbeknownst to them, an onlooker had nestled into in these spectacles, leering with his three eyes for an opportunity board their undertaking.

 

Spotting his entrance, he enchanted Brad with his yearning to join repugnant beings and their deviance. With the strum of a chord, the band lustrously welcomed Tony without another breath. Now complete, with Matthew and Tony shrilling hooks on their guitars, Ian quaking the earth on the bass, Eric thundering and crashing rhythms behind the drums, and Brad roaring and gripping the audience with his poetries, the band has set their sights toward the next chapter in their crusade, the complete defilement of the world and its innocence.